Episode 11 “How to Leave a Party Before You’re Thrown Out (While Still Stealing the Wine)”
Host: Gilbreth Bernardus
Style: One-part advice, two-parts bragging, three-parts made-up
Setting: Echoes of clinking glasses, background ballroom music, and faint laughter that doesn’t sound entirely friendly
Don’t steal from people who expect to be robbed. Steal from people too proud to believe it’s possible.” -Gilbreth Bernardus
: TRANSCRIPT ::
Gilbreth takes a slow sip. The clink of fine glassware. He exhales like he just escaped something he wasn’t invited to.
Gilbreth:
“There’s an art to leaving a party gracefully.
There’s a science to not getting caught.
And then there’s what I do:
Exit with a smile, a story, and something that doesn’t belong to me.”
🎭 The Party
“It was a diplomatic gala in the Sapphire Hall — chandeliers, silk, that one elf who always speaks in riddles and smells like judgment.
I wasn’t invited. Obviously.
But I looked like someone who should’ve been — thanks to a borrowed coat and a name I made up while chewing bread.”
🍷 The Wine
“There it was — centerpiece bottle. Deep violet label. Arcane seal. The kind of wine that remembers your sins and makes you drink them sweeter.
I decided it would be mine. For… spiritual reasons.”
🕊️ The Distraction
“I faked a fainting spell.
Told the nearest noble I’d just seen my ex-wife walk in with my sword.Caused a minor duel. No injuries. Unless you count pride.”
🧥 The Exit
“Wrapped the bottle in my coat, nodded to no one in particular, and walked out with the confidence of someone absolutely supposed to be there.
One guard saluted me.
I saluted back.Might be a duke now. Not sure.”
💡 The Lesson
“Here’s the thing:
Don’t steal from people who expect to be robbed. Steal from people too proud to believe it’s possible.”
(beat)
“Also — always keep an emergency toast prepared.
I once got out of a scandal by shouting, ‘To new beginnings!’Works every time.”
Gilbreth (raising glass):
“To parties we don’t belong at, names we forget, and wine bottles that tell better stories than we do.”
🎶 “Half-truths, whole drinks — and one perfect exit with a cork still warm.” 🎶