Episode 9: “A Lady, a Lie, and a Locked Room with No Door”
Host: Gilbreth Bernardus
Style: One-part advice, two-parts bragging, three-parts made-up
Setting: Echoey room, fire popping in the hearth, voice low and theatrical; flame crackles, soft footsteps pacing.
“Woke up alone. No lady. No bottle. Just the locked room… still without a door.
Took me five hours, three panic attacks, and a guess at ancient poetry to realize the door wasn’t real.” -Gilbreth Bernardus
:: TRANSCRIPT ::
Gilbreth’s voice is hushed, as if he’s telling you something he shouldn’t.
Gilbreth:
“There are rooms you can’t walk into.
Doors you never see open.
And lies so good… you forget they weren’t true.”
🚪 The Room
“She brought me there blindfolded — said it was safer that way.
When she took it off, I stood in a chamber of pure marble, candlelight dancing on stone, no windows, no doors.
Just her. A bottle of plum wine. And a smile I didn’t trust but wanted to.”
🧊 The Lie
“Told her I was a royal courier.
Told her I’d smuggled a song across enemy lines.
Told her the kingdom depended on my heartbeat.”(beat)
“She kissed me like she believed it.”“I lied with my mouth full of truth.”
🧩 The Problem
“Woke up alone. No lady. No bottle. Just the locked room… still without a door.
Took me five hours, three panic attacks, and a guess at ancient poetry to realize the door wasn’t real.
It was a choice. I had to say something I didn’t want to. Something true.”
🗝️ The Way Out
“I said: ‘I lied because I wanted you to stay.’
And the wall… opened.”
(soft exhale)
“Never saw her again. But I still smell plum wine when I’m about to do something stupid.”
🎶 “Half-truths, whole drinks — and one room that only opens when you’re honest.” 🎶